Here at the Catholic Church, we accept everyone!…except you and you and you and you.

So, it seems in the news as of late that there’s been a string of incidents involving the Catholic Church that just sickens me and further spurs on my hatred for the hypocritical bullshit.

What could it be, you ask? Well, let me tell you.

Instance one.

No mo’ ladies.

So, thanks to MSN, we now know that the Catholic cult is saying only men can be priests. Those women who have been made priests, and those bishops who aided in their ordination, are immediately excommunicated, with no take-backs.

Now, first, I want to know, if this has apparently been a rule since the dawn of Christ and his posse, how did these rascals with vaginas slip through the cracks and un-holy up the place? That alone is one that needs to be recognized. If it’s being done, and no one’s complained thus far, then something tells me it’s kinda okay.
The church’s defense to their excommunication is that Christ chose only men as his apostles, and therefore only men can be priests, the soldiers of God!. However, something tells me that the Vatican doesn’t really read their history books. Or they only take the Bible as the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

The argument is that Christ was just following the social norms by choosing only men. And I have to say, I fully support this. Christ ended up crucified with all male apostles. Imagine what would have happened if there were women in there. I’m not saying women would have fucked it up. I’m saying, at that time, women were beaten and raped and ignored. They were for baby makin’! Hell, Christ was trying to convert the Romans, right? Those guys were dicks! I have a minor in Latin, I know these things. The Romans would have listened to Jewish women far less than Jewish men, lemme tell you that. So, maybe Christ was thinking of what would best for him to get his message across.

For the record, do we know how severe excommunication is? It’s not a slap on the wrist. Not a “don’t do this again” kinda thing. It’s saying to these people “You’ve devoted you’re entire life to goodness and peace within our church. And now, fuck off! You’sa lady! You’re destined to eternal damnation! There’s nothing you can do to make up for it! See you in hell, bitch! Of course, I’ll be in heaven, looking down at you. Ha! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an altar boy to touch.” Don’t you think you’re being a little, oh, I dunno, fucking crazy, Catholic church?!

Also, I’m forced to ponder, does the Catholic church have nothing better to do right now than bitch about a few lady folk in robes? I mean, it’s not like there’s world-wide war and famine and pestilence and death. No. It’s not like natural disasters are fucking up every other country every other week. No. Some bishop with a stick up his ass sees a chick giving a sermon, and he dumps in his cossack, and runs to tell the almighty voice of God on Earth. The Pope hears this and probably ate a baby in rage. (I hear he does that.) So, rather than focusing positive thoughts on all the shit that’s wrong with the world, the Catholic church maintains its oh-so-frequent air of naivete, and finds something totally absurd to bitch about.

To the Catholic church: Grow up. Y’know, entire nations crumble and fall to dust because they don’t adapt and change for the times. Japan nearly fell apart until Matthew C. Perry convinced them to open up their borders and trade, play nice with the rest of the world. Going back the Romans, hello?! They’re not around anymore! It’s ’cause they were too busy having orgies and watching people get eaten by tigers and shit to notice the world changing around them. That is what’s happening to you, Catholic church. If you don’t get hip to the sensibilities of people today, there’ll be less and less asses in your pews.

And, this is just a theory on my part, but isn’t it time you guys went away anyway? Accept defeat? Know when you’re antiquated? Religion was created in order to explain away things that were, at that time, inexplicable. “Oh, that ball of fire rises in the East and sets in the West every day! What could it be?!” “Well, Titus, that would be Phoebus Apollo pulling his chariot across the sky!” “What about those blue bolty things cast down from the sky?!” “Well, Niko, that’s our god Zeus, hurling his lightning down, after he rapes some mortal woman in swan-form.”
*note: I intentionally used a Roman and Greek god for your viewing pleasure
Now that we have science and logic and smart people, I just don’t think we need the religion bull shit to rule our lives, when it’s become so antiquated and un-needed. This is not to say that we don’t need the morals and conscience that a religion provides. I’m all for decent human beings. That’s why I like Buddhism, honestly. It’s not a religion, it’s a belief system. And it’s all about inner happiness through not being an asshole. (the very short version)

Instance two (yes, there’s another)

The power of Christ compels you!

*before I get into this, I know, this is terrible, but that family portrait looks like a good day on the set of the Hills Have Eyes 3. Thank you Minnesota drinking water…(and incest).
**regardless of how these people look, they should not be treated as they are. I’m just being an ass, I actually feel for these people.

So, now some church somewhere has decided, because this 6 foot, 13 year old autistic boy is being disruptive during mass that they no longer want him attending their services. I’m sure we’ve all seen an autistic person somewhere. They vary in severity, but this kid seems to be closer to the more challenged side. And, it’s really hard to get a solid opinion on what’s going on in the ol’ house o’ worship ’cause the priest is saying one thing and the mother is denying every bit of it.

The church is so serious about this that they got a fucking restraining order on the family! Are you kidding me?! You get restraining orders on crazy ex-girlfriends! Not parishioners! Yet, apparently, the woman would not take any of the options that the church offered them to enable the family to remain at the church (i.e. video feed in the basement). Which, honestly, keeping the kid in a dank, moldy basement, completely separated is pretty shitty, too.

Raven just asked me “But does he really know what’s going on at church?” I imagine he doesn’t. However, it’s not for him, clearly. His mom wants to know that her son’s salvation is in order. As any woman of the Bible Belt will obsessively hammer in the word of God to her children, just as was hammered into her, and so on generations before. And where’s dad in the picture? The article only says “the parents” once. The rest is strictly from mom. Raven says “He probably doesn’t care if the kid goes to church or not.” Totally a possibility. I’m of the mindset that daddy ain’t around no more. Another reason that I feel mom is so zealously clinging to her faith, y’know?

And this is just one more example of the Catholic church, on a much smaller scale, not adapting to its surroundings and changes.

Finally, for your enjoyment only, the Pope.

The Pope

Whoops. Sorry about that.

Emporer Palpatine

Thanks for listening, kiddies.

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~ by Cynik on June 2, 2008.

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