Change is a-comin’

Yesterday, as I was getting ready to go to work, I watched a doe pass right by my bedroom window, strolling out into the yard and grazing. Last night, when i got home from work, there was a buck in the back yard, grazing on the cracked corn we leave out for the ducks. Deer are a totemic sign signifying change. I saw one right before work in the front, one right after in the back. So, methinks something’s going to go down at work. Some change for me. Well, here’s hoping.

Speaking of work, the actual reason I wrote this, is for more of those internet comments! You gotta see these things! They’re crazy!

For those of you who are not up to par with my blogs (shame on you), where I work (the name will be changed for job security) has this little link on the bottom of the receipts, asking people to rate our cafe and write any comments, and they may win $1,000 for doing so. All spelling, punctuation and capitalization will be left as-is for quality’s sake.

1) date of receipt 7/12
“i think you have really exceeded the price of the certain bagels. $1.29 is rediculous. i can go to a bagel bakery where the bagels are bigger and better than yours and the are only 80 cents. ”

Dear sir, go to this magical, better bagel bakery then. I don’t want you in my restaurant if you’re just going to bitch. Why bother complaining if you have a cheaper, better source out there?

2) date of receipt 7/10
“ur broccoli cheddar soup & frontegas r mad good & its sweeet that we get like mad free refills cuz its the best ting ever wehn ive got mad cotton mouth itd be way bettr if we won 2000 for this survey cuz id buy mad piff & shiet & probs more fronetegas”

Now, I don’t know what to think about this one. Someone actually submitted this, but I’m really convinced that this is a mockery. Not real, someone just wanted to be stupid. But, then again, it is written for a relatively, forgive the term, ghetto cafe, located in a pretty rough neighborhood. My General Manager read it and was shocked: “How could anyone that inarticulate even own a computer?!” I responded with: “Oh, you’d be surprised what you can find out there.” So, you make the decision for yourself: hoax or real?

3) date of receipt 7/7
“The chicken noodle was too salty, and your broccoli cheddar soup was thicker than porridge. absolutely disgusting. If I wanted mediocre soup, I’d make it at home myself. Thankfully (for your sake, not mine), the manager reading/studying looseleaf in the back overheard my complaints and brought me new soup. It was loads better. Also, you may want to re-consider getting individual tabasco packets. The bottles would be fine, except you have some really unfortunate customers that I highly doubt wash their hands. Besides that, it was the usual *restaurant name* experience. BTW. The woman who cleans tables absolutely needs to be replaced. She has two looks (1) the confused look and (2) the retarded chihuahua look. And Saul! Jeezus, where did you find him? If I had children, I’d make sure we came to *restaurant name* when he’s NOT scheduled. I come to eat, not to here about his sex life (the one he pays for). End of rant. I love *restaurant name*. I adore the food. Just get your game together.”

Um…I’ll address this in a tick.

4) date of receipt 7/7
“Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth this continent, a new nation conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that SMALLER SALADS SHOULD BE OFFERED AS A SIDE OPTION AT *restaurant name*.”

5) date of receipt 7/10
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character, and *restaurant name* WILL OFFER SMALLER SALADS AS A SIDE OPTION.”

Now, I don’t know if this history teacher is ever going to learn, but quoting historic speeches will not, in fact, result in anything but me giggling when I read his psycho rants.
I just can’t wait for “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. That and NOT GETTING SMALLER SIDE SALAD OPTIONS.”
Or how about “This is one SMALL SIDE SALAD OPTION for man, one giant leap for *restaurant name*.” I think that one’s good.

In fact, I encourage anyone reading this to post a comment with some famous historical quote, calling for smaller side salad options. Do it! I can’t wait to read ’em!

A side note, none of these comments were connected to my specific cafe, they were sent about others in the area, other parts of the franchise.

And as for #3 up there: what kind of a person does it take to be that horrendously bothered by a dining experience? Brush it off, man. Ease it down. Ease it down. Ease it down. (Aliens reference.) I’ve really become tied to the mantra “It is as it should be.” Between everything that’s happened in my life, that’s the best way to look at things. And even if it’s just something like a shitty experience at a restaurant, let it go, dude. Y’know, it’s not like you got sodomized by a silverback. Even then, with some counseling, you should let it go! I just think that quality of life would be so much more improved if people didn’t let things fuck them up so hardcore. I guess a certain part of my Buddhist studies actually stuck. And I bet the guy who wrote this angry comment was Christian. As my experience has proven, Christians seem to harbor this absurd feeling of deserving the best of everything. How dare you add some variety to my hum-drum, pathetic existence! Jesus did not die for this! He died for my sins!

I apologize for getting religious again. I just thought you’d like a little update as to my current working world.

And remember: It is as it should be.

And ease it down.
Ease it down.
Ease it down.


~ by Cynik on July 15, 2008.

3 Responses to “Change is a-comin’”

  1. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of SMALLER SIDE SALAD OPTIONS.

  2. I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me SMALLER SIDE SALAD OPTIONS or give me death!

  3. This is how the world ends,
    This is how the world ends,
    This is how the world ends,
    Not with a bang, but with SMALLER SIDE SALAD OPTIONS

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